knock… knock…

There resounds through the halls a loud banging. As the wood rattles and the hinges clang, I awaken. I had just gotten into the rhythm of sleep. That rhythm that you know how it’s going to turn out. You know what your next move is simply because you really don’t have any moves left; you have but only to stay still. In that state of life you can be struck down and not even feel it. Things may go badly, but you are numb to anything because you have no reason to feel.

When awaken out of such a sleep I find myself confused and disoriented. Not sure what is up and what is down, it’s as if I am being awaken for the first time. Everything is new, colors don’t make sense, and I have not yet seen the full picture. I soon get adjusted to the bright lights my eyes have not seen in so long; only to see the biggest monster I have ever seen. There is no way I can conquer this I think. It would take a miracle for me to begin to even match this thing’s strength. I have two options; force and intellect. If I go with force I will surely lose, however if I don’t the reward may seem greater to everyone. On the other hand I know I can win with intellect, and with intellectual victory comes personal rewards that can only come from God.

My dilemma, seen many times throughout history. The great men have always chosen intellect over force. Sure they weren’t popular or seen as great men at the time, but in their very being was this sense of greatness and making a difference. God was truly smiling over them. I wrestle with the thought that I am not like these great men, well so I say. The difference between me and them is that I have not yet conquered my big monster. So i choose. I choose intellect. I beat this thing at a giant game of mental chess, and risk. I have proven that I can make a decision. That I have the answers to the questions “what’s next?” “What is my next move?”. I HAVE a next move! To me this is more joy than any other moment save the moment I met Christ. In fact this moment would not have happened without Christ. My hope is that in this new room of opportunity I will not get caught in the rhythm of sleep and need the monster of routine to come knock down my door. Next time it might be harder to choose intellect over force.